I'm Andrew-Four. I'm the scribe.

Upcoming Events

At our opponents' request, Capture the Flag has been moved from Thur, Oct 12 to Thur, Oct 19, giving them a week to complete their Last Will and Testament. We've also delayed the beach trip until sometime next week on account of weather. Twain will not go to the beach until MuFuUnSun is guaranteed for all.

Cantor Art Museum is having a "Party on the Edge" the evening of Thur, Oct 12. Like the pizza, it is expected to be extremely outrageous, yet totally in-your-face.

Full Moon on the Quad is Fri, Oct 13. This is the night when freshmen receive their first Stanford kiss, and the senior class mysteriously triples in size. Freshmen and seniors should attend. Sophomores and juniors should claim to be freshmen or seniors (and attend).

On Sat, Oct 14 is a tug-of-war competition that benefits Urban Ministries of Palo Alto. Entry is $50 per team, and there's an 800-lb limit per side. At this point, it's probably too late to diet.

On Sun, Oct 15 at 3 PM, Andrew-One will be leading a Microsoft Word and Excel workshop in the computer cluster. Note to attendees: a computer is a device that looks sort of like a TV attached to a typewriter-like "keyboard."

Los Hermanos de Stanford, a male Latino group, is meeting Oct 18 at 8 PM in Tressider's Oak Room. Want to teach art to artistically-impoverished children? Join Artspan in the Kimball lounge Oct 22. Gaieties is Nov 15, 16, and 17; if you don't support Mary, who will? Ralph, the alcohol guy, is coming on Nov 21. No further details are available at this time, but speculation based on his name paints an unpleasant picture.

Party over here!

This Saturday evening is Twain's first party: Jungle Boogie! Twain got fun 'n' games. Wear animal prints and jungle clothing, but Stephen, please leave the S&M gear back in your room! Everyone knows that EANABs aren't, so if you intend to drink, give $5 to Nathan or Kate P before the party. E-mail Kate your musical suggestions ASAP or be subjected to the Titel Musik. From 9:30-10:30 it will be Twain only; at 10:30 it will open up to other dorms. For the love of Majordomo, do not forward the invitation to other dorm mailing lists. There will be a cage.

IMs

Adam filled us in on intramural sports (not Instant Messenging, as many thought). Ultimate Frisbee is Saturdays at 5:00 PM and Football is Sunday at 12:00 noon. Water Polo starts next week, Sundays at 10:15 AM. Show up and show your dorm spirit, or don't and claim you're "rooting for Twain on the inside." Liar. RA Scott Ogawa says, "Healthy body, healthy mind, screw." I think these words hold meaning for us all.

Twain Matters

Twain's very own e-mail list, Can You Digit, is now active. Please only forward messages for good, not evil. If you have a Flicks pass you're not using, send a message to the list; communism is good.

The ping pong table will soon have a ping pong net. In the meantime, why not play without a paddle or balls for that "extra challenge"?

Twain residents firmly voted against having their stuff stolen by strange forty-year-old men. The first floor doors will remain locked during the day. If you see anyone suspicious around the dorm, shoot first and ask questions later. This includes the little Chronicle boy. The virtuous amongst us need not fear death.

Twain has allocated $150 for community service. It's not a cap, it's a quota, meaning that we have no choice but to spend it. The Twain government says: War is Peace, Ignorance is Strength, and Charity is Compulsory.

Next week, Twain will not be raiding Burbank's house meeting in conjunction with Zapata. There will not be any water guns, and definitely not any water balloons. Roy might be going to Toys 'R' Us this weekend--but hey, who isn't! But like, if something were to, you know, spontaneously occur next week, that would be cool.

- Andrew