Merry Christmas, Obi Wan! This week's notes are a little different than your average bear. They're not exactly back-o-the cereal box material, bucky. They're the kind of notes your mama would wash your eyes out with antibac for reading. Notes that jump in the thick of it without bothering to check for civies in the way! Party notes! So hold on to your Krispy Kremes, cause you're in for the metapocalyptic ride of your life!

  This Sat Apr 14 at 2:00 PM, your once and future dormitory will be placing colored eggiwegs in various chiarobscuro localities. Tue Apr 17 at 5:30 PM, you can discuss Shirley Jackson's very own personal housing Draw! And Wed Apr 18 at 5:30 PM, find out how the good URO fairy can whisk your half-baked frown into an infuriated smile! Transmetropolitan!

  The forthcoming Fri Apr 27 is gonna put the polish on freshman faces all around the corner. You can personally vid a game of American Baseball for a mealy 20 donuts! Giants vs. Cubs -- talk about valurated, compadre! Spank it on over to White Plaza this Monday through Wednesday or be forever moored back at SU Prime.

  You can scream if you want to with a federal subsidy from yell.stanford.edu. They're demapping the fun on Sun Apr 15, so keep your monkeys in a row. We're talking 110% Redbook -- no added MSG!

  Taiko & Co. are putting on a bella concertina this Sat Apr 21. Drums and sticks lie in wait for the inordinate audience. Just Dink it!

  Stanford Community Carnival is Sat May 12, and they're piping hot for as many as 200 of our unpeeled shellfish. Grits and cheese, that's a lot of amperes! Phantasmagorical!

  Slip and Slide into their hearts this Fri Apr 13 in Upper East. A Kerry Bacchanalian festival of dihydrogenous oxidation sure to get you high as a hog in a house on a hill. BAM!

  Twain's putting the the "oatda" back into Boat Dance! Buy a tick-tack from Alli Bell or collapse into a singularity of shamefaced loneliness!

  Wing Wang's on Sat May 12? That's gotta hurt! Bring your lewd, rude, tudes but leave your I Ching at the farm -- this is one party that's sandal-room only!

TWAIN MATTERS

  Twain's gonna cook the house down for some personnes sans-abri, comprendez vous? We're planting an international superset of foodstuffs for people on the out and out. No house, no problem -- check it like a coat! Booyaka, oh my brothers, booyaka!

-AndrewV's telepathic mind takes its greatness from the Matrix